The first time my consultant spoke about a kidney transplant, I was a bit shocked and trying to hold back the tears, so I smiled and nodded through most of what he said and pretended I was ok. Everything he said that day is a blur, but there is one small thing that he said that completely saved me.
First of all, let me explain my background....
Throughout my teenage years, I competed in rugby, showjumping, hunter trials and pony games. I took the title of Cork Female champion in Tae Kwon Do when I was 16. Throughout my college years, I spent little time in sports but once finished, I started running for fitness. Roll on the birth of my first child and I increased my running distance whilst pushing a buggy in an attempt to lose the baby weight. 3 years later I ran my first marathon (unknowingly whilst 7 weeks pregnant). A few weeks later, I was diagnosed with kidney disease and five months later, I gave birth to my son. I started running again when he was 4 weeks old and ran a half marathon when he was 12 weeks. I followed this 10 months later with the New York Marathon. A knee injury put a damper on my running so I switched, instead, to weight lifting. Cue my year of bodybuilding at competition level. I stood on stage twice. Once at the National RIBBF competition and second at the National NBFI competition. I began to feel a bit worn out from the 6 day training regime and decided to challenge myself elsewhere. I wanted to learn how to swim. This may not sound like a huge challenge, but considering I feel nervous in the deep end of the swimming pool, to me, this is huge. So, through spells of anaemia, thyroid dysfunction and all the while my kidney issues in the background, I learned how to swim. Most importantly, I learned how to trust in my abilities in the water. My next step is to progress to open water swimming.
Why is all of this relevant? Well, my point is, I don't do well resting. I don't look forward to a day on the couch watching TV (its great once in a while to do a movie or a series stint, but not every day). I like being active. I don't train because I'm afraid I'll get fat. I don't train because I want someone else to admire how I look. I love my body. I'm not being vain when I say it. I just think my body is amazing - to go through what its been through and still be able to 'do stuff'. What an amazing machine! I want to train because I love my body. I want to use it to its full ability for all the years I can. I want to experience all the things my body is capable of while I have the capacity to do it.
I think that this, more than anything else, is why I feel like I have been punched in the gut with this whole business of kidney disease.
But back to what my consultant told me on the day of my meeting with him. He said " Well look, there is always a silver lining, at least now you might finally get your shot at becoming an elite athlete". He proceeded to tell me about the world transplant games and since then, I have been dreaming about them. I want so much for the emphasis to be off 'resting' and back to doing. There are days when Im completely ZEN and I do my yoga at home and practice some mindfulness. But there are also days where I think "For Gods sake - I don't want any medals or prizes, I just want to train and be back to a place where I can enjoy my body and not be afraid for it.
I'm sure that others awaiting transplant feel like this. But I also know that wanting to be so active is not everyones cup of tea. Some people do prefer a cup of tea and a biscuit and daytime TV. And thats ok too. Even if it never happens, thats what I'm going to aim for. I reckon if I aim high enough, I might hit my target somewhere. Staying positive - mostly xx
No comments:
Post a Comment